Have you ever found yourself in a heated argument, trying to express what you need and want, only for the other person to become defensive? Then you become defensive, both of you start pointing fingers, the conversation spirals, frustration builds, and instead of resolving the issue and coming closer together, the gap between you just gets bigger and bigger... 🙈
Knowing how to argue better is essential to build healthy relationships, whether in your personal life, workplace, or friendships. Conflict is inevitable, but it gets a hell of a lot easier if you know how to communicate consciously and navigate disagreements with confidence and from your power.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the essential foundations of conflict resolution and communication in relationships. These skills are life-changing, helping you build stronger relationships, handle difficult conversations with ease, and create deeper connections in every area of your life.
And if you want a real-life example, in my latest podcast episode, I break down an intense argument scene from the Oscar-winning movie Anatomy of a Fall, which perfectly illustrates what goes wrong in most conflicts. Listen to the episode here for a deep dive into how not to communicate and how these principles play out in real conversations. 💗
Why Communication is Key to Every Relationship
Even though most of my clients come to me to find their purpose, and create a fulfilling & meaningful life and career, inevitably, we'll talk about improving their communication at some point during our work together.
Why? Because communication is often key to resolving your challenges. These are just a few of the topics my clients mention:
How do I share with my spouse that something matters to me?
How do I handle conflicts at work?
How do I react when my kids trigger me?
How do I assert my needs without pushing people away?
The truth is, communication in relationships is a skill that will elevate your relationships and make your life SO MUCH easier. Unfortunately, it’s not something you’re taught and most people only learn about it through coaching or therapy.
One more thing... Effective communication isn’t about winning an argument, about who's right or wrong. It’s about making sure both people feel safe, seen, heard, and understood - and that you find a productive solution that works for both of you.
The 3 Foundations of Conscious Communication (aka How To Argue Better)
1️⃣ Take Personal Responsibility
The first rule of how to argue better is taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, actions and behaviours. Most arguments involve some variation of “You made me feel this way!” or “It’s because of you that I can’t…”. The moment you blame the other person, you shift into victim mode and give away your power.
✨ What to do instead: Use “I” statements.
“I felt hurt when you said X.”
“I interpreted that as Y.”
"When you did that, I though X."
Taking responsibility for your own emotions prevents defensiveness and keeps the conversation productive.
2️⃣ Listen. I Mean, Really Listen.
Most of us don’t listen in arguments. Instead, we’re busy preparing our counterargument and defend ourselves or our opinion. But this stops you from truly understanding what the other person is saying.
Conflict resolution isn’t about agreeing; it’s about understanding the other person's perspective.
You can disagree, but still understand how they feel.
✨ What to do instead:
Focus on what’s underneath the words—expectations, emotions, desires.
Pay attention to tone, body language, and context.
Resist the urge to interrupt. Create space for the other person speak without interruption and create space for you to speak without interruption.
Validate their experience without necessarily agreeing (“I can see how you’d feel that way.”).
3️⃣ Recognize When You’re Triggered
When you’re triggered / emotionally upset, you react emotionally rather than
logically. Your nervous system shifts into fight-or-flight-or-freeze mode, making productive conversation nearly impossible.
✨ What to do instead:
Pause the conversation when emotions are running high and you're not getting anywhere in the conversation.
Take time (at least 3 days) to process before coming back to the conversation.
Identify what’s really upsetting you (it’s often deeper than the surface issue).
Express your emotions first, then move toward problem-solving.
When both people take responsibility for their triggers, conflicts become opportunities for growth rather than sources of resentment.
The Bottom Line: Mastering Conflict Resolution & Communication in Relationships
You can't avoid conflicts, BUT when you apply the principles of conscious communication:
✅ Taking personal responsibility
✅ Listening without judgment and validating the other person's experience
✅ Managing emotional triggers
... you create space for understanding, connection, and resolution.
It won’t be perfect. But it will be effective. And that’s what leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships across all areas of life.
Want a deeper dive into these strategies? Listen to the full podcast episode here for a step-by-step breakdown of this powerful communication framework.
From my heart to yours
Tajda 🌷🫶
📚 Sources
Keeping The Love You Find, Workshop Manual,The Imago Workshop for Individuals, Imago Relationships
ABOUT THE PODCAST HOST
Hi, I'm Tajda Glazer!
I'm a lawyer turned Professional Life & Career Coach and I help you go from feeling lost, anxious, burned out and stuck on the hamster wheel, to turning your dream life & career into reality by making changes with ease and grace - from the inside out. ✨
