Overcoming Self-Sabotaging: How Upper Limits Hold You Back (and How to Break Free)

Does this sound familiar? You've been in line for a leadership promotion, but it doesn't seem to materialise. You're working harder than ever, yet your bank account looks the same. You're mapping out your business plan, but somehow never finishing it.

If you’re in action and aligned with your heart & soul desires—but you keep getting stuck, not making real progress—you’ve likely reached an upper limit and are unconsciously self-sabotaging your success.

In this blog post, we’ll explore what upper limits are, how they lead to self-sabotage, and most importantly, how you can begin to recognise them so you can overcome the self-sabotaging patterns that block your potential.

🎧 And if you’d like to go deeper, don’t miss the full podcast episode on this topic.

What Are Upper Limits and How Do They Relate to Self-Sabotage?

An upper limit is like an invisible ceiling—an unconscious set point that limits your potential and stops you from moving forward in various areas of your life (money, career, success, purpose, love...).

In fact, your ego has upper and lower limits. You can think of this as a box that you’ve put yourself in, a range you allow yourself to play in.

Alyssa Nobriga, Entrepreneur and Professional Life Coach, puts it like this: “This is your comfort zone, based on the story you tell yourself about what you *think* is possible for you based on your worth.”

Here’s the good news: your box isn’t fixed. It can expand as you challenge your limiting beliefs and rewrite the old stories that shaped it. 💪​

Why Would You Self-Sabotage Or Limit Your Success?

On a conscious level, of course you don’t want to stand in your own way. But your Unconscious—which runs about 95% of your behaviour—operates differently.

If your goals and vision feel threatening, unfamiliar, risky or unsafe, it will do whatever necessary to keep you firmly in place, even if that means sabotaging progress: it believes that where you are now is SAFE and where you’re going is UNSAFE.

Your desire is conscious: "I want to live my purpose, get promoted, start my business, have a fulfilling job and relationship, make a certain amount of money", but there’s an unconscious fear about achieving that goal, which will hold you back.

I see this all the time in coaching when my clients can’t make past a certain amount of money or can’t get a promotion. It's fascinating: when they get closer, they innocently self-sabotage.

In his book, The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks explains that each of us has an inner thermostat that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy.

When you hit that limit, you often do something to self-sabotage yourself and fall back into the familiar / comfort zone where you feel safe and secure.

Where Self-Sabotaging Patterns Come From

The capacity of your thermostat is programmed in early childhood, often before the age of 6 when you’re not yet consciously aware + you innocently believe the messages you receive around you.

For example, as a child you may have repeatedly witnessed your dad and your mom feeling tense and frustrated on a Sunday because they had to go to work the next day. This conditions you to believe that "work isn't fun" or "no one enjoys their job”.

This belief gets saved as a rule for how life works in your Unconscious (your hardware) and you don’t question it.

Because it’s now in your hardware, this "rule" steers your actions in your adulthood. As an grown up you therefore find yourself in jobs you don’t enjoy or when you do find a job that you love, you self-sabotage by quitting or getting fired - unless you rewrite that pattern and/or beliefs.

Here are a couple examples:

✨​ Your parents were very successful, but they worked constantly and were always tired or stressed.

• Belief developed: “Success means burnout. If I have more, I’ll have less freedom and I have to sacrifice my time and time with my family and/or my wellbeing.”

• Upper limit effect: You unconsciously avoid growth opportunities or leadership roles—even if you're capable—because freedom, connection and wellbeing matter more to you than stress.

✨ You saw caregivers struggle financially or emotionally because they ran their own business.

• Belief developed: “Running a business means stress, instability, and sacrifice.”

• Adult effect: You subconsciously avoid growth, visibility, or investing in your business—because scaling feels like walking into chaos or losing your peace.

🎧 For even more real-life examples, listen to the full podcast episode.

How Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Daily Life

Something good happens—life feels good, you’re making progress on your business, things are moving in the right direction—but then you pull the breaks.

Your self-sabotaging patterns kick in. The ego pulls you back to your comfort zone, where it thinks it’s safe and it projects fear into the unknown.

It's very common when you start moving toward your goals: you start to see results and positive changes, but then you slow down, pause or stop. This pattern is so innocent, but the moment you see it, you're able to transform it.

Here are some common self-sabotaging patterns and how they show up in daily life:

• Procrastination: Missing meetings, stalling launches, avoiding follow-ups.

• Perfectionism: Spending endless time polishing details instead of launching your product / applying for your dream job / publishing your podcast.

• Overwhelm: Suddenly you're too busy to keep up, too tired, or “not in the right mood.”

• Imposter Syndrome: “Who am I to do this? I’m not ready. I don't know enough.”

• Worry: You're in a loop of negative thoughts, worrying about things going wrong, jumping to worse-case scenarios. This activates your sympathetic nervous system and puts you in fight-flight-freeze mode, keeping you trapped in your thoughts vs taking action.

• Criticism & Blame: Energy is wasted on self-critique or blaming others, therefore not leaving any for your projects, your purpose, your gifts.

• Illness or injury: Your body unconsciously halts momentum after progress.

  
  
  
  

These patterns aren’t bad—they’re your Unconscious innocently trying to keep you safe. But if you want to grow and reach your full potential, you’ll need to start recognising and overcoming them.

Reprogramming Your Upper Limits and Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behaviours

There are a couple of ways to overcome your upper limits and step into your full potential:

​✨​​ Recognise what they are + become aware of your self-sabotaging patterns

​✨ Discover the underlying limiting beliefs and reprogram each of them

​✨ Start creating SAFETY around your vision and desires: use visualisation, put yourself in the energetic field of what you want (speak to people who've finalised their business plans and lead successful businesses), talk about your desire with others, create a vision board, write about it... Your unconscious needs to "get" that your desire is safe and that you'll be safe "over there".

​✨​​ Learn to soothe your sympathetic nervous system the moment it gets activated so you come back into a state of peace, calmness and relaxation. This is your natural state where you can tap into your creativity + see solutions you weren't able to notice before.

Once you do that, the doors are wide open for you to step into your full potential. This is what Gay Hendricks calls your Zone of Genius.

Here, work doesn’t feel like work. Time expands. You’re energized instead of drained. You’re using your unique gifts in ways that bring joy and impact.

This is what it looks like to truly be overcoming self-sabotaging patterns and living at your highest potential.

Final Thoughts: Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage

If you keep hitting a ceiling, or you notice that you’re self-sabotaging your success or not making progress although you’re in action, it’s important to look at the patterns that are holding you back and reflect on why you're not allowing yourself to fully step into what you desire.

This is what I do with my clients in coaching: we transform what’s standing in their way and break through their upper limits so they can step into their full potential and confidently move forward on their goals - with ease and alignment. ✨​

If you feel stuck and want to make real progress toward your goals in your life / career / finances, book a complimentary clarity session where we can see which coaching program can support you best with your dreams and goals.

This is your path to freedom and playing full out. 💗​

🎧 Listen to the full episode: Breaking Through Upper Limits: Why You're Stuck (Even When You're Doing Everything Right).

Ready to take the next step? 

I offer transformational coaching programs to help you find your purpose and navigate career and life transitions with clarity and confidence.

✨ GET UNSTUCK SPECIAL: 4-week starter coaching package to help you get unstuck

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Want to know which program is a perfect fit for you? 👇​

Book a complimentary clarity session here

From my heart to yours

Tajda 🌷​🫶​

📚​ Sources:

• Hendrick, Gay, Ph.D., The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level―A Transformative Guide to Overcoming Fears and False Beliefs for Personal Growth and Success, Harper Collins, 2009.

• Alyssa Nobriga, Institute For Coaching Mastery, Materials from the certification program.

Author

Tajda Glazer

Professional Life & Career Coach, Psychological Consultant and host of the podcast "What If It Is Possible?"

I'm a lawyer turned Professional Life & Career Coach and I've helped hundreds of clients go from feeling lost, anxious, burned out and stuck on the hamster wheel, to finding their purpose and turning their dream life & career into reality. I believe in making changes from the inside out, in a way that feels easeful and aligned with you. ✨ I host the podcast "What If It Is Possible?", mentor students in reaching their goals, and help leaders elevate their conscious leadership skills.